restlessness
by starfan88
Summary: How is a girl possibly supposed to sleep now? I can't concentrate on anything...except maybe the guy next to me...one shot


Hi again. Long time no see (or write, in my case)! I've basically been MIA as a writer for the last 6 months or so, but this is my attempt at a semi-comeback. It's a one-shot, but it's pretty long. Not long enough to make up for not writing over the last 6 months, but hey, it's a start. And, it's fluff. Who doesn't like fluff, right :)

PS – Apologies in advance for any PG-13 language. I hope no one is offended by my potty mouth.

PPS – If you're reading this, please be nice and review. It would mean a lot to a once frequent writer who has gone into hiding over the last 6 months. And, it might actually inspire me to write something longer. So please?

* * *

**Restlessness**

Take a deep breath…now exhale…good…

Now do it again…breathe in…and out…

No, don't open your eyes. Close them. Good.

Now…just relax. And go to sleep.

Breathe in…and out…

Stop smiling.

Good.

Now breathe…

Maybe opening my eyes will help.

Maybe I'll just…stare at the ceiling.

Right, just like that.

This is good.

No thinking. Just concentrate on the ceiling.

And _what_ a ceiling it is.

So…white.

It's got that…bumpy effect. Like it would feel really coarse if you touched it.

But really, who ever touches a ceiling?

Unless you're painting it. Or installing a fan.

I wonder if those bumps are a sign of asbestos.

What if there's asbestos in the ceiling? Wouldn't that be really toxic? That can't be good.

Wait, why would there be asbestos here? That's just crazy.

This is a relatively new apartment. It can't have asbestos.

I'm sure it's just the decorative finish.

Anyway, back to the ceiling.

So…white…so…

Shit!

Was that…my stomach?

Oh my god, I hope that wasn't as loud as I thought it was.

It was just a little…gurgle.

Just a small rumbling.

Nothing to be alarmed over.

Nothing to be woken up over.

Oh shit! There it goes again!

Why is it growling now?

I can't possibly be hungry!

And even if I were, it's not like I can do anything about it.

Shhh...just please…please, stomach, please be quiet…

Oh no.

He's moving.

Oh my god.

Did my stomach seriously just wake him up?

Maybe if I just…close my eyes…he'll think I'm asleep. And that he imagined it.

That wasn't _my_ stomach.

Maybe he'll think that was _his _stomach.

Okay, eyes closed.

Good.

Crap! What is he doing?

Oh my god.

He's pulling me closer.

His arm…I think it's now wrapped even tighter around me.

It's kind of…sweet…

Unless…is he trying to trap me?

Does he think I'm going to leave?

How could I possibly even think of leaving?!

I've waited for three years to be here!

Although I do kind of have to pee right now…

But I wouldn't get up.

Not even to go to the bathroom.

Do you know how many girls would kill to be in my spot right now?

Although…I'm sure a lot of girls _have_ actually been in my spot…

But not in awhile. Not in a long time actually.

That's what he said.

Remember?

"My life changed when I met you. _I_ changed when I met you."

Ohhhhh……….

Stop smiling. Stop smiling!

Ohhhh, I can't!

It was just so sweet! And so…sincere.

And so totally overdue.

Seriously, talk about sexual frustration.

We could've caused a volcano to erupt with the build up that we had.

People are not meant to have that kind of sexual tension for three years.

It's just…unnatural.

And totally unfair.

Like, if I would've been born just a couple of years earlier, this never would've happened.

I mean, it _would've_ happened.

It just wouldn't have taken three years.

Three. _Long_. Years.

But…it was worth the wait.

So…_incredibly_…worth the wait.

It really was, like, the best night of my life.

Every second of it. It was all just…amazing.

The way he kissed me…like, the whole time…

And how he was so…concerned…and thoughtful…

Not wanting to do anything I didn't want to do.

Making sure I was comfortable and content.

It was just so…perfect.

Okay, so maybe I'm in a little pain right now.

Like, I can't move the lower half of my body.

But hey, that's part of the process, right?

Right.

Take the good with the bad.

Right.

I just…hope…I mean, this was all new to me…

And it was anything but new to him…

Did I…do it right?

Of course I did it right. I mean, he seemed to enjoy it.

Right?

Right.

He had to have enjoyed it.

I mean, that whole ending…

And the…noises…

You can't _fake_ that. Right?

I mean, how would a _guy_ fake that?

No. He enjoyed it.

I couldn't have been _that_ bad.

It was my first time! How good could he have expected me to be?

Right?

Right.

I was good. Good enough.

And really, I'm only going to get better.

If we were to say, hypothetically, do this again, I'd be better.

And if we kept doing it, like more often, then I'd only get better and better.

And pretty soon, I'd be at his level.

Well…maybe not _his_ level.

I'd have to screw a lot more people to get _there_.

And I don't really intend to do that.

Although it may not be bad.

You know, just for experience.

No, no, what am I saying? I'm not having sex with anyone.

Just him.

At least, for now.

Until he gets bored with me.

Not that that's going to happen.

Right?

Right.

He knows me. He knows I'm not boring.

Even though…he doesn't really know me like _this_.

Not…as more than a friend.

Not…laying next to him.

Not…naked.

Am I going to bore him? Or drive him away?

After all, that's what I do.

But that's not what I want here.

Not even close.

I just want…to be with him.

To support him.

To love him.

I mean, I do already, but I want to do it…like, for real.

Not as a kid. Or a friend. Or a fan.

Just…as me.

If he'll let me. If he doesn't get bored. Or run away.

Which he won't.

He can't.

Not now.

Not after this.

Right?

Right.

Right.

Okay, just breathe. Relax. Let it go.

Everything will be fine.

Everything will work out.

You two will be great.

I just know it.

So breathe…in…and out…

Good.

Shit.

I really do think I have to pee.

But I couldn't move from this position even if I tried.

I think his arm is seriously glued to my side.

Just try to forget about it.

Use reverse psychology.

"I do not have to pee."

"I do not have to pee."

Bathroom? Nope, I don't need it.

Not me.

Right?

Right.

Good.

Now…inhale…exhale…

Listen to him.

He's just so peaceful.

Breathing quietly.

He seriously makes no noise in his sleep.

How is that possible?

Everytime we sleep at Grandma's, Sadie tells me that I talk in my sleep.

Or rather, that I have full conversations in my sleep.

With who? What about? Who knows.

But Tommy? He sleeps with absolutely no sound.

Just another wonderful quality about him.

As though there's not enough.

Okay, there's that ceiling again.

His room really is dark. It's hard to focus in here.

He needs a night light or something.

But look, there he is….next to me…

He looks so…calm. So…sweet…

So innocent.

So perfect.

Even his hair, it's barely ruffled.

How does he do that?

Ahh, right…a full gallon of gel in the morning.

But look at that…

His eyelashes, I never realized how long they are.

Or how his nose has this little curve in it.

No one would ever notice. Unless they were really close to him.

Or sleeping next to him.

Like me.

There's that smile of mine again, it really won't go away.

But maybe it shouldn't. Maybe I should just let it out already.

Here I am. In bed. With Tom Quincy.

Little Tommy Q.

And…

I'm naked.

Okay, I don't think I've ever been this happy.

And this smile, it's a good thing.

I can handle this.

I'm allowed to be happy.

Right?

Right.

This is good.

Just me and Tommy.

In bed.

Naked.

Okay, this smile is seriously never going away.

Shit…

He's moving again.

He made a noise…like a…groan…

Is he…awake?

Oh no.

Did I wake him up?

Did he hear me?

Could he hear my frantic questioning of every single aspect of our relationship?

No, that's just impossible. I didn't say any of this aloud.

Did I?

No. Definitely not.

And he can't read my mind.

Can he?

Or maybe he can just sense my edginess right now.

But honestly…how am I supposed to sleep?

How would anyone sleep now??

I just had sex with Tommy freaking Q! Of course I can't sleep!!

Crap, he's scooting closer.

Oh my god, I think he's on my pillow.

I can actually feel his breath.

Ohhhh…it feels kind of nice…

Oh shit…shit, shit, shit…

I think…he's awake.

And oh no…I think…he's going to open his eyes.

Oh my god.

He's going to open his eyes and see me staring at him.

And then he's going to think that I'm crazy.

An idiot.

Or obsessive.

Or maybe…he's going to be surprised to see me.

Like, 'What the hell are you doing in my bed?!"

That can't happen. That won't happen.

Will it?

Okay, his eyes are definitely opening.

He's blinking a little.

It's kind of cute actually.

And now…he's looking at me.

And I'm…looking at him.

I can see just a hint of the blue in his eyes reflected from the moonlight.

He looks…not confused.

Or anxious.

Or alarmed.

Oh my god.

I think…was that a smile?

Did he just smile?

Holy shit.

I think he smiled.

He actually looks…happy.

Happy I'm here.

With him.

He's actually happy.

I think my pulse just increased by about 5,000.

And my palms, they suddenly just got kind of warm and clammy.

Okay, he's pulling me towards him.

Like really, I don't think we can get any closer right now.

How much further can he pull me in?

Actually…this is kind of nice.

I feel his nose touching my forehead.

Oh my god, I seriously think I'm going to explode right now.

My heart is beating so fast.

I think I'm getting light headed.

And this smile, I bet he can feel it right now.

His hand, I think it's moving towards my back.

Yep, there it is.

Ohhh…he's rubbing my back really softly…

Ohhhhh….

I think I might melt.

Right here.

In bed.

With him.

And that would be okay.

Oh!

He just gave me a little kiss.

On my forehead.

Ohhhhhh….

I'm melting…….

Wait, he's clearing his throat.

Is he actually…going to say something?

No, Tommy! Don't ruin the moment!

Please!

Don't say anything!

I just want to fall asleep…just like this…

"Hey," he says quietly, barely audible.

"Hi," I whisper in response, not even recognizing the tone of my own voice.

He's pulling back a little…okay, there's some space now between us…but he's looking at me.

I must look like a moron right now.

With this huge grin on my face.

And my hair sticking up all over the place.

But he's still smiling.

That's a good sign.

He's pulling a little further away and lets out a yawn.

He's kind of cute when he yawns.

He's kind of cute when he does anything honestly.

Especially now.

He's eyeing me again with kind of a…_different_…look.

He looks reflective.

Thoughtful.

And then I hear,

"I'm kind of…hungry."

I must be blushing through the darkness.

He knows me. _Too_ well almost.

God, we're so similar sometimes.

How could I even think to doubt this?

My smile naturally grows wider, if that's even possible, and I respond,

"Me too."

He smiles warmly at me and tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"Then I say we do something about that."

And at that, he retreats to his side of the bed and grabs a t-shirt from the floor next to him.

He gently hands it to me, and I slip it over my head, immediately recognizing it as the same shirt he had worn the day before.

He slides on his boxers and walks over to my side of the bed, grabbing my hand to pull me up.

I stand up, feeling my legs become wobbly and the pain from the hours before suddenly rushing through my lower half.

But catching sight of the faint smile still on his face, the pain starts to fade into mild discomfort.

And all I can feel is happy.

Happy and airy.

I link my hand with his and carefully step over my jeans on the ground to walk towards the door.

As the door opens and the light from the outside hallway floods into the blackened room, we both shade our eyes from the sudden change. Taking a moment to allow our eyes to adjust, I'm reminded of yet another feeling that suddenly creeps up on me again.

I turn towards him and shyly say,

"I'm going to have to meet you in the kitchen."

He looks at me in confusion, his eyebrows furrowed, but then appears to comprehend.

"You have to pee, don't you?"

I bite my lip through a smile and nod, as I watch him shake his head in understanding. He holds my hand and slowly brings me over to where the bathroom is.

"I figured," he says with a grin, giving me a quick peck on the lips before I step into the bathroom, close the door, and feel my heart flutter all the way to my feet.

Yeah, I'd say this smile is definitely here for good.


End file.
